Self Esteem is based on beliefs or opinions you have about yourself, and the value you place upon yourself as a person. These beliefs or opinions are conclusions that you have reached during your lifetime and the messages you have received about the kind of person you are.
Positive Experiences – If your experiences have been positive and you have been surrounded by a loving family and friends and you were raised in a positive environment, then it is more than likely that your beliefs about yourself will be positive too.
Mixed Experiences – If your experiences have been mixed – for example you were not the most popular person at school but then blossomed later in life or if your real love let you down but then met a supportive and loving partner – then you will have mixed beliefs about yourself.
Negative Experiences – However, if your experience has been negative at home or at school, at work or in a relationship, then you will certainly have negative beliefs about yourself, leading to low self-esteem.
Does this sound familiar to you? Which of the above situations do you feel you relate to the most? Were you regularly punished, neglected or abused? Did you feel that you had to meet someone else’s standards? Were you on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress? Were you or your family the target of prejudices or discrimination?
Copying Mechanisms – Because of what you think about yourself you then you adopt Rules for Living which are designed to get you by or to cope but that, in reality, keep you stuck in low-self-esteem (“I must put always other first”, “If I speak my mind I will be rejected”).
Trigger Situations – Ultimately when you find yourself in a Trigger Situation, for example when you think you have failed in one of your copying mechanisms or you fear that you might lose control, your Bottom Line is activated and you will feel as your negative beliefs about yourself have been confirmed.
Of course, this is a repetitive pattern that can last a life time unless you somehow interrupt this vicious cycle.
What’s next? – I will explore how to overcome low self-esteem in my next article, meanwhile I encourage you to identify what experiences in your life have caused you to develop your Bottom Line, in other words what you really think about yourself, and how these beliefs have affected and are still affecting your life.
